How easy it is for a person to enter your life...and just how difficult to leave....
A really close friend of mine recently proposed his love to me. I declined it simply because I did not feel the same towards him. We are real close friends, he is an amazing person, the complete "perfect-bachelor-boy-package" -understanding, humorous, charming, from a well-to-do-family, good looks, et al.
I DID think twice before replying and it occurred to me that the four-letter word meant a lot. I couldn't force myself to complete the picture of a perfect lovey-dovey couple . . . try as I might.
At the same time, I am witnessing my two close friends getting separated from their respective life-partners. It is a hard time for both of my friends. Out of those two friends, the female friend of mine was talking to me about signing the divorce papers. I pondered over it for the rest of the evening...
a "yes" and a sign over a paper.
"in" and "out"
is life really this simple???
Wandering thoughts penned down...oops...keyed in :)
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2 comments:
Hi Charuta,(its a beautiful name!)..i can comprehend in its entirety that it must have been really difficult to decline a proposal which seemed "perfect", and as i see it the dilemma stems from the fact that love means a lot more than the "package" we attach to it. I remember when i broke up with somebody i was on for 5 years, she told me that i was more in love with the fact that she was pretty, had a great humor, was wonderful with people which includes my family and friends, was exceptionally successful and intelligent and not so much with the person she was inherantly!! This might include discussing her passion in dance and theatre, sharing her thoughts on child sexual abuse (which she was a victim), backpacking across Tibet etc etc! It was a painful decision but when i thought about it, it probably made sense, in some bizarre ways, that she was right and we broke up.
So the picture of a perfect lovey-dovey couple is really not that simple as you rightly said..its so important to know what one seeks from a relationship and then live with each others impefections!
Do mail back, would be a pleasure to get to know you...this is pankaj, based out of Calcutta..im an ERP(Software) consultant with a co called IBM.
Cheeahs!
pankaj
Hi Charuta,
I wanted to address this post, but thanks to other deals, I could not earlier.
From my own experience and from experiences of my dear friends, I have made some observations.
I will first address you first, Charuta.
It's no longer a secret that Oprah Winfrey has had an amazingly powerful impact on my life. I once heard her say that if you have little doubts, even after you are engaged, listen to your heart and look for signs before you get married.
They are very much there; all you have to do is pay a little attention.
I respect your decision, because at times, to say *NO* is the most difficult thing, one has to do. If you don't feel attraction towards your friend, the decision you took was not only apt, but extremely sane.
I, however have one thing to clarify, being in love does not mean you have to be perfect lovey-dovey couple. Relationship of any kind is hard work. There are millions of things that make as well as break a perfectly great relationship.
Understanding, trust and respect are key ingredients to any successful
relationship along with unconditional love. And these are not impossible
concepts, because I know people, who are in such relationships.
I frankly would not want to be in your position as both people in question are your friends. Sooner or later, you have to make a choice, whether you want to or not.
I have observed that *most* people love the idea of being in love and are not exactly in love.
And as far as your question, "Is life really this simple?"
In a way, it is and in a way, it is not.
However, if I look back at my own history, I understand that every beginning has an end and every end has a beginning.
Many times people enter your life without you realizing why, they linger and all of sudden they exit.
I think each entry comes with an exit.
I think the best irony comes from the fact that change is the only thing
constant in life.
At times, there are reasons, misunderstandings, misconceptions etc that results in exits and sometimes, people just drift apart.
However, you know in a strange way, life is like a show that goes on and on, someone or the other is always present to play a new part and help us carry on to the next chapter in this journey called life.
I had heard Iyanla Vanzant mention "People come in your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime. Each person is an answer to unasked questions and silent prayers made to almighty."
Here's an in-depth look at this concept.
REASON. People that come into your life for a reason are usually to meet a need
that you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to
provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or
spiritually. They may seem like a GODSEND, and they are. They are there for the
reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an
inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the
relationship to an end. Sometimes they die or they just walk away. Sometimes
they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need
has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up
has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
SEASON... Then there are people that come into you for a season because your
turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or
make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually
give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a
season.
LIFETIME... Then there are relationships for a lifetime. Lifetime relationships
teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid
emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put
what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
I have noticed that many times attraction is misunderstood as love and when the
attraction dies, so does the relationship.
Life is not about "in" or "out" at all. That brings me to Monsieur Jim's views.
You sir, say everything I want to and in a way that's saves me time. :-)
So thank you so very much.
I agree to all the points you have made. Life is indeed how one wants to
perceive it.
A few months back, I was told by a total stranger, who is now my best friend
that "The way you look at yourself is not necessary the way, I look at you."
And Charuta, I couldn't have said it better when you say, "Even I do not view
life as just black or white, it's rather very colourful like a rainbow. It is
just the moments like these that make one stop in tracks and mull over."
You are right and I think one should stop once in a while and mull over before
making any decision, one might regret later!
Charuta, keep on posting your musings, they are great food for thoughts!
Cheers!
Yours truly,
Ankur
emirite2@hotmail.com
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